


Pretend It's Ok

by Starlight_Angelbane



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Game(s), Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-07
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2019-06-06 21:51:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15204218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starlight_Angelbane/pseuds/Starlight_Angelbane
Summary: “But you don't deserve that,” his thoughts reminded him flatly. “You don't deserve that kind of happiness….”“I know I don't,” was his response. “But I can pretend that I do.”~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Connor wants nothing more than to live a contented life with the ones he loves, but the guilt of his past actions won't let him be happy.





	Pretend It's Ok

**Attraction** : (noun) _the action or power of evoking interest, pleasure, or liking for someone or something_

 

It was something Connor never thought he would ever be lucky enough to experience, or at least, have someone feel it towards him. After all, he didn't deserve such happiness. The memories of his past actions did a good job of constantly reminding him of that fact.

 

When he first found himself drawn to the PL600 he first met the night androids became free, he believed it was due to guilt. Why wouldn't it be; Simon was the same model as the deviant Connor had unintentionally lured to its death. _His,_ not “its,” _his._ It seemed only logical that Connor felt the need to try to make up for his tragic deed by befriending someone similar to Daniel.

 

But as the days went by, Connor started to become increasingly aware that his feelings towards Simon were slowly exceeding the simple desire to be friends. He knew it immediately when the latter grabbed his arm before he could slip away to the DPD, and smiled at him as he asked, “Would you like to grab a coffee after your shift tomorrow?”

 

He knew he shouldn't have accepted. He should've made an excuse, like Hank wanted to take him fishing (which he did, but not until the weekend), or that Captain Fowler wanted him to stay late every day that week. But there was something almost magical about that smile; something he couldn't resist. And so he said yes.

 

There was something about the way Simon's eyes lit up at his response that made his stomach do flip-flops. Something about the way his touch lingered for a moment before pulling away that made Connor want to grab his hand and never let go. _“But you don't deserve that,”_ his thoughts reminded him flatly. _“You don't deserve that kind of happiness….”_

 

“I know I don't,” was his response. “But I can pretend that I do.”

 

And so one coffee date became two, and then there were walks through the park at sunset. Then Simon pulled Connor aside one day, and taught him how to mend clothes properly, the next day they cooked complex meals. Then he showed him how to bake cookies, cut into little heart shapes.

 

And then the RK800 kissed the PL600; and for a brief moment, everything felt perfect.

 

But sooner or later, reality manages to catch up, and the pretending has to end. Connor couldn't bring himself to tell Hank how much he appreciated having him in his life, to tell Markus how grateful he was that he decided to trust him. To tell Simon how in love he was. Because then it would only make it that harder for them to let him go.

 

There was only one way he could make it up to the people he hurt. To finally forgive himself. So when he found himself standing on the edge of a roof, gazing upon the bright lights of the Detroit nightlife, he felt a strange sense of peace. He closed his eyes, because he wanted his last vision to be of that beautiful scenery, not the ground speeding towards him, and let himself tilt forward.

 

A moment later, he realizes that he's not falling. Because there's suddenly a pair of arms wrapped around him, holding him for dear life as they pull him back onto the roof. Opening his eyes, he looks up and meets Simon’s teary ones. It then occurs to him that leaving his note on their bedside table might not have been the wisest choice.

 

He hears his lover's voice, but doesn't hear what's being said. He can lip-read the word “why” being constantly repeated, probably in question form. It isn't until Simon grabs his hand and connects with him that he's forced to hear.

 

 _“Don't lie to me,”_ Simon says, and suddenly Connor feels like he's walking a tightrope. He can hear a helicopter in the distance, and all he can see are a pair of heartbroken blue eyes as the sound of a crying little girl resonates nearby.

 

 _“Don't lie to me,”_ Simon repeats, his voice is strained as he tries to balance his rage and sorrow. _“Just tell me why.”_

 

So Connor allows his memories to pass through the connection. Daniel, the deviant who killed his master in self-defense, the Traci he had trained his gun on - if only for a moment, Chloe as he pointed a gun between her eyes as he actually considered killing her for the sake of his mission, the weight of the gun in his hand after he nauseously realized that he had almost assassinated Markus.

 

He felt Simon’s mood change slightly. There was still anger and sadness, but also understanding. He said nothing, but as he met his eyes again, Connor began to relive other memories. Saving Hank from falling to his death, feeling the softness of Sumo’s fur as he stroked the dog's back, the determination he gaines to help the cause after witnessing Markus’ passion, the despair he felt as he recounted Cole's death in order to prove himself as the true “Connor,” the tears he held back as Hank hugged him tight.

 

And suddenly, he _was_ crying. _“What did you do…?”_ he wondered.

 

 _“I reminded you of all the good in your past_ , _”_ came Simon's reply. _“You let yourself drown in your pain because you thought everyone's life would be easier if you weren't here. But you're wrong. Haven't you ever considered that you're the only thing that's stopped Hank from pulling the trigger so many times? Did you ever realize that Markus spared you not because he didn't know what you've done, but_ because _he did; and he knew you weren't that machine anymore? Did you even imagine what I would do if I'd woken up and you were gone? How devastated and broken I would be?”_

 

There was a pause, as he waited to see if the other had anything to say. But Connor had nothing to say. He couldn't find the words to describe his feelings, so he just gave Simon just that, his emotion. The latter squeezed his eyes shut, and held Connor's hand to his cheek.

 

 _“Please, don't leave me,”_ he begged, pressing a kiss to the other's palm. _“Let me help you.”_

 

 _“Ok,”_ was Connor's reply. _“Ok.”_

 

 _“Thank you.”_ Simon smiled, and leaned forward. “I love you,” he whispered aloud, his lips hovering just above Connor's.

 

“I love you too,” Connor promised, closing the distance between them.

 

And then the RK800 kissed the PL600; and for the first time, Connor knew he deserved that happiness.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I noticed that there isn't a whole lot of fics that have just Connor and Simon in a relationship, so I decided to write one since I think it's an adorable ship. I also wanted to try my hand at an angsty story, since that's not something I tend to write. I'm pretty proud of this, and I hope you guys like it.


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